Sunday, October 15, 2006

If I could stop time . . .

This has long been a fantasy of mine, my dream super power, my fairy-granted wish. There have been times I have wished for it so fervently I almost forgot it couldn't possibly come true. I mean, I really HOPED! I have wasted time imagining the details of my super power. THAT is not the best way to maximize one's time, surely! But seriously, looking over some of the other Sunday Scribblings this week, I saw a few people who didn't really want to play my game, who suggested that there's plenty of time, time is not the problem -- essentially, I am the problem, that I'm not "maximizing" my time or something. But that's not it! I maximize plenty, but there just IS. NOT. ENOUGH. TIME. I want to do so many things, to create so many things, to both LIVE and CREATE, to write and paint and also hang out at a wine bar and gossip, and also go kayaking, and also watch Battlestar Galactica and The Wire, and also find the time to have some babies. And with my new super power, I don't plan to follow the conventional Spiderman wisdom of "with great power comes great responsibility." I am not going to fight crime. I am just going to write more and paint more!

Let me show you two of my four desks:


On my writing room desk sits the "unbound galleys" of my novel Blackbringer, which I am proofreading for the first time. That is, I am reading it for the 6,037th time. It is VERY exciting to see it typset, and to see the chapter heading designs, and to see how many pages it turned out to be (430! Holy cow!) But DANG -- I just want to write the next one! That one is currently put away in the desk drawer. Meanwhile, on the studio desk is a series of patterns I am painting for multiple uses, in Laini's Ladies designs and beyond. At another desk, not shown, a group of 6 new Laini's Ladies is underway. The fourth and final desk is currently buried under a blizzard of papers, desperately needing to be excavated.

And then there's this to consider:

Just a little bedtime reading!

If I could stop time, I would bring Jim with me into my cozy little gap in the space-time continuum, and we would just stay home and dream stuff up. That's about all I would use my super power for. I would unfreeze the world for the daily drives to the dog oncologist that have really been warping my weeks, the get-togethers with friends, the trips to the gym, etc. Life would stay the same, except there would UNLIMITED time to write and paint, and to make puppets and fix up my old dollhouse my dad made me when I was 11, to read books and blogs and write short stories and craft bat wings out of copper wire. I'm getting all dreamy just thinking about it!

What prompted this slide into daydreaming has been. . . commuting. Ack! Not to work, but to the dog oncologist where Shiloh is getting her daily doses of radiation. She's had 8 so far, 10 more to go, and she's holding up well. I've been in a human oncologists office before and felt on the verge of panic, felt oppressed by the weight of cancer in the world, and terrified by the knowledge that it will probably get us all, eventually -- this isn't as bad as that, being dogs and not people, but it's still very sad and somber. All these beloved dogs, tired and woozy, being helped up into the car by their worried humans, being handfed whatever delicious food will stimulate their appetite (Shiloh had rotisserie chicken and rice krispy treats yesterday). And then, there are the dogs that don't come back. I had become familiar with a very sweet Bernese Mountain Dog the first week of treatment, Shiva, and then this past Monday I saw his owner arrive without him, but instead with flats of canned dog food to donate to the clinic. I didn't speak to him, didn't need to, to know that Shiva had died.

But along with the tragedy and the hope and the rotisserie chicken, there is the driving. Oh. My. God. I have been very very lucky to be self-employed and not have to commute -- the other day I got stuck in rush hour for an hour and a half, and I think the experience shaved a little slice off my soul. It will grow back, if given the time and peace, but what happens to all those people out there doing it every day, never getting a long enough break to grow their souls back full and healthy again? I ask you, is this any way to live? Who constructed this world? In context, I know I should be grateful for how much time I do have in the day to dream and draw and write, but I still want more. More, more, more!

P.S. the wonderful painting on my green desk above is by Kelly.

28 comments:

b/sistersshoes said...

This was actually a very pleasant peek into your creative space and...

some yummy scribblings :)

colorful you xxxxxxxxxx d

wendy said...

I like you. I like your spaces. I like your honesty, and hatred of traffic.,and love of dogs.

On time, we have differing opinions. Thats ok. Your entry made me smile for whole monents of time.

I liked that!

GreenishLady said...

Laini, I read your post after I'd written mine. It never struck me that I might be able to be selective in whose time I was changing. It never struck me to ask if I could change the rules to suit me. You were so clever. I think I could go along with making my time halt long enough to read the unread books, do all the almost-completed things, spend all the time I'd like with friends... You've converted me!

Amber said...

OH MY GOSH! Stop time just to read unread books!!?? WHY didn't I think of THAT?! LOL. That is what I need to do. My bedside pile is just like yours. Who am I kidding?

This isa really good post, and I agree with you. As a matter of fact that is why I like you so much. Because I really like how you live your life in a way that is opposit of sitting in traffic for a long communte! Your choice to live doing creative things for a living, really inspires me! I mean it. It was a treat to see your spaces.

Also, I did my gig at Borders last night, and I totally though tof you and your book! I rang up so many kids reading fantasy books, it made me excited for you.

:)

kelly rae said...

your pattern pieces are coming along - they look amazing!

as i read this entry, i'm sat here saying out loud "yes, yes, me too! that's right! oh. god. more time, yes indeed, more time!"

silly...

Amber said...

Sorry about all those typo's! wow. My brain working fater than my hands.

*blush*

:)

Left-handed Trees... said...

Ha...I laughed out loud at your stacks of books. I have these and I owe reviews on many of them still! Hmmm...maybe it isn't more time I need, but more desks to work on. Great post--Good luck with Shiloh!

JavaCurls said...

Laini, I couldn't agree with you more. I actually don't really think I'm the problem but the lack of time is what prevents me from doing everything I want to do. I guess I have too many interests! hahah Sometimes I stay up until the wee hours of the night to scrap, read, blog, paint, edit photos and so much more.

yak attack said...

Oh, Laini. Thank you for sharing the photos of your life! You are so creative and whimsical -- I was surprised to see the photo of all the geometric patterns. And I love you photo of the stacks of books. Yes, I too, would like suspended time to read...

Alexandra S said...

Don't think you can get out of paying me your tardy gym fee by freezing me out of your little time stoppage adventure! Anyone you have a debt out to stays unfrozen too and there I will be, politely at your front door with open palms upon which to gently place that little greenback. Actually, if everything is frozen I have no use for cash so instead I would like to trade it for the Mexican armoire or the Balinese daybed and we can call it a day. Wouldn't that be funny though if accidentally you did succeed in freezing time but somehow you missed something and Mr. T and Dr. Ruth ended up being the only others left too and the four of you had to spend the rest of time stoppage eternity together, and in your little yellow cottage no less! haha thats what I want to see! And I LOVE the backgrounds too, and those big tall stacks of books and most of all the juicy, juicy galley pages of Blackbringer! Still can't believe its almost here!

Colorsonmymind said...

Oh I loved seeing your desks-a peek into your creative adventures.

I too would like more time to give to the creative aspects of myself. I have been neglecting them far too long.

Michelle said...

I also love your creative spaces! I don't think about stopping time so much as I wish I could be one of those people who could get by on four hours of sleep every night. Perhaps that would be a good superpower to have.

Jerri said...

Your creative spaces are as interesting as your work. Thanks for sharing them as well as your thoughts.

Blessings to Shiloh and to you.

tinker said...

Commuting pretty much sucks - but having a rich inner life can really help with passing that time (use your imaginary superhero powers to see into car trunks or move cars out of your way!)

Loved the peek at some of your work in progress, and Kelly's artwork, and the books (even though mine aren't stacked nearly as neatly, they're fairly comparable in numbers!).

It would be wonderful to have a pause button for the rest of the world. Or some other way to stretch out the days to fit everything we want to do into them. Maybe we just need 40 hour-long days! I would say give up sleep, but as an insomniac, I'm halfway there, and there still isn't enought time! And I actually do enjoy dream time when I get there.

Thanks for a fun topic and a great post. Hugs to you and Shiloh.

Alexandra S said...

I had to leave right after posting my last post and I couldn't believe I forgot to mention Shiloh. YOU have been such a wonderful mama to him Laini- when I saw those warm rice krispies last night on your counter that you made for her I don't think I actually voiced how incredibly thoughtful I thought that was. You have one of the biggest, sweetest hearts I've ever known. I hope Shiloh will be back to her old self soon & I'm really glad her appetite has not suffered!

January said...

Four desks? Wow, you are busy.

And I agree with you, there just simply not enough time--even less with kids in the picture. But then I think of all the creative souls who manage to get things done, no matter what. *sigh*

Y'know, I'd much rather have too much on my plate than not enough.

Good luck with Shiloh.

kelly rae said...

just like alexandra, i forgot to mention that i think you are being a wonderful momma to shiloh (and jim, too). she's lucky to have you both.

Deb R said...

Every time you show photos of the inside of your house the colors and textures make me feel like I want to reach through the screen and scoop them up in my hands and breathe them.

And I LOVE your concept of what you'd do if you could stop time. It makes me wish to be able to do it too!

Anonymous said...

Whenever I need a boost of creative life excitement I need merely read one of your posts-- this one, for sure!

You have so much sparkle it pours out your fingertips-- god. I love it. And yes, count your blessings you don't commute-- me too-- and i savor it each and every day.

~bluepoppy

Jazz said...

Good luck to you and Shiloh.

As for the commuting, well you just have to armour your soul. The commute, as opposed to the office is a piece of cake.

dailypanic said...

You & Jim are my new inspiration, as you know I'm new to Sunday Scribblings. I have a friend who is an illistrator and he has been the only sound board for my writing. (writing is my secret life) He has asked on several occasions to illistrate for me and I never took him seriously because I think he is bias with his praises. Sunday scribblings has given me a boost of confidence and I think I will take him up on his offer. So like you, I would stop time and take him with me and do nothing but create... maybe one day soon we'll get a chance to live the dream...

Good luck with Shiloh!

deirdre said...

I agree about the loss of time during the commute. Mine takes 20-30 minutes usually, but has taken as long as an hour if the freeway is horribly backed up. Sometimes I just want a teletransporter to get me there so I can spend more time doing what I love.

I'm so glad Shiloh is doing well. Must be those rice krispie treats. :)

paris parfait said...

Hope your dog is feeling better. Thank goodness when one can avoid traffic - public transportation is a wonderful thing. Terrific photos of your beautiful creative space.

HoBess said...

First, I totally support you in that there just is not enough time ... not if you want to live, create, celebrate AND relax!
Second, I think you just described what's going wrong in our country ... no time to re-invigorate our souls as we go through the mechanical motions of a day. ... beautifully put. **hugs**

anahata katkin said...

I think those who want to stop time- somehow do stop time. You blow me away with your array of talent and all that you accomplish. I think that is what makes a great artistsic life. I doubt that Einstein or Georgia Okeef and for sure Leonardo Davinci ever felt truly satisfied with what they had accomplished in their lifetime. That hungry passion and lust for more insight and expression made them so prolific. But I doubt they felt they had time for all of it. And yet somehow we all marvel at what they where able to do. I think you will be like that when we all get to look back at the life of Laini.

sophie said...

I am going to get your book!!

I would love to curl up and
go through that pile of books
and peak around your beautiful
and inspiring world.

Great color of the desk -
pops so well with the
blushing wall.

katie said...

Hi Laini,
I'm back from Minneapolis and am catching up on my blogging. It was such a pleasure to meet you, Jim, Alexandra, and Kelly. Beautiful and kind souls all - not to mention incredibly talented, creative, and funny!!! I'm honored you bought one of my dolls - she looked so happy in your previous blog photo.

I'm totally in love with Portland.

Marilyn said...

Poor Shiloh. Glad to hear she's holding up so well under the treatments. (And getting some treats.) I used to sit on Max on my way to and from work...and watch commuters sitting still on I-84 and wonder...WHY???