I can't imagine that the person who I plan to mock in this post reads my blog, or is even aware of its existence, but I still feel a shiver of anxiety about public mocking, so I will just say it's gentle mocking. Sort of. I just have to relate this conversation: I can't NOT.
If you have read The Time Traveler's Wife the following dialogue will make sense to you. If you haven't, it's a rich, sexy, romantic, beautiful, poignant novel in which one of the main characters, a man named Henry, time travels. Not voluntarily. It's a kind of seizure that comes over him and whisks him away to the past, leaving his clothes in a pile where he stood, so he arrives naked at the other end. It's a pretty sucky vision of time travel, and it is an intergral part of the unfolding of the story. It just so happens that the place and time he often ends up is the field near his wife's childhood home, over the whole course of her young life. So. This is an approximation of a conversation I heard 2nd hand and have taken liberties with:
Him: Did you ever finish reading Time Traveler's Wife?
Her: No. I couldn't. It was too creepy.
Him: Creepy? What do you mean?
Her: The way he kept visiting his wife when she was a little girl. Why did the author have to have him be naked? It was creepy.
Him: But... it's part of the story. It's the way time travel works in the book.
Her: She could have had his clothes go with him.
Him: It wasn't just his clothes, it was anything that wasn't him, even fillings. It was crucial to the plot.
Her: But to have a naked man keep appearing to a little girl.
Him: He didn't do anything to her. She put out clothes where he'd find them. It wasn't creepy at all.
Her: The writer could have made it so, like, cotton clothes could go with him. He could have worn all cotton.
Him: You don't think it would be weirder if cotton could time travel?
Her: I'm wearing all cotton right now.
Urk? That's as far as I get, because I started laughing and snorting with disdain. I should clarify this last line was said without humor, without irony, without a twinkle in the eye or elbow in the ribs. This was not "her" hinting that when she time travels her undies come along too. This was just pure... unironic... cluelessness. Which I find hi-larious. I hope you do too. At least smirk-worthy. And I hope you'll read the book if you haven't. And maybe you too will mock someone on your blog, so I don't feel like the only meanie who's ever used her blog for evil. Any takers?