Sunday, March 21, 2010

Theirs was a forbidden love . . .

Clementine has a lot of toys, a plethora of teething rings, a population of dolls, etc etc. She has teethers made in France that are scented with vanilla. She has hand-made wooden toys from Germany. She received a doll from the Netherlands yesterday, with the word "lief" (love) embroidered on it (thank you, Auntie Lori!) She has a lot of neat stuff. Can you guess what it is she wants to chew on? Hm? Can you? You can probably guess where I'm going with this.

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Nothing can quite compare to the metal clip end of her pacifier leash. Yep. The metal clip that is supposed to attach to her clothes somewhere so her toys don't fall on the floor. Yeah. The metal clip is her favorite thing. Followed closely by . . . can you guess? The tag on any toy or blanket. Tags are awesome. Oh, and crinkly waterproof bibs? Endlessly amusing. It's hilarious that we spend all this money on fancy toys, when really, the simplest things are the most coveted.

Oh, and did I mention, she's got two new teeth?
Ha ha ha! I love the way those big yellow beads look like teeth. I've gotten much enjoyment out of that sight :-)

Yesterday I had a major case of mom-endorphins. I was just so happy I was almost giddy. It may have had something to do with the sunshine and warmth, in combination with a healthy dose of this:
It was a beautiful day here in Portland (alas, today the rain is back), the warmest of the year so far, I think it was into the 70s. Clementine and I went over to Alberta St and walked around, and it was bustling with folks and dogs and friendly eccentrics on weird bikes, as usual, and we sat at an outdoor table where I drank iced coffee and Clementine reclined on my lap like a little queen and watched the world and smiled at passersby. It was warm enough for bare toes, even, such a treat, and it was just So. Nice. I got kind of blissed out. She nursed and fell asleep in my lap and there's just nothing like cuddling a sun-warmed, sleeping baby. When we got back to the car, I didn't want to surrender her to her car seat so I just sat there for a while, nuzzling her fuzzy little noggin. I'd barely gotten any sleep the night before (another crazy painting night), but I wasn't tired. Just happy.

Lovely lovely.

What brought us to Alberta was to buy a gift certificate at Bolt, the darling fabric store. I walked in, C. in her Ergo, drooled over the Anna Maria Horner fabrics, and announced to the clerk, "I'm here for a gift certificate, but I am dying to learn how to sew." Which I am. Have been forever. It's one of those things I say wistfully All. The. Time. "I need to learn how to sew." Well. It turns out I'd come to the right place! Affiliated with Bolt, a new sewing studio just opened on Alberta, Modern Domestic, and it's a darling little storefront with brand-new sewing machine stations where they teach classes and have free sewing time with "sewists" on hand to help you. (How much better is the term sewist than "sewer" by the way? So much better!) Anyway: AWESOME! Well, they had a basic class TODAY. Starting 5 minutes from now, in fact. And I really really wanted to do it. Around midnight last night I was still trying to decide, and I realized that it was LUDICROUS to even consider it. I am so swamped right now! What was I thinking???? Taking on a new craft/hobby right NOW??? Total insanity. So here I am, at home, safe from new hobbies for another day. It's just, eesh, there is so much to do and I want to do it ALL!!

I want to have a rich life with my family and friends, write my books, paint my pictures, spend glorious quality time *doing nothing with particular enthusiasm*, travel, knit, sew, cook, exercise, hike, and have a lovely garden to play in. And it just isn't really all possible. Today, after yesterday's endorphin rush, I'm feeling a little bit glum about that. I want want want want want. I'm greedy for life, for everything, all the different lives I could be having -- but all of them at once, without having to choose. But choices must be made, and it hurts.

Blogs kind of make it worse, because I surf around and there are blogs for all the lives I'm not living -- travel, cooking, craft, photography, lovely lifestyle, garden, etc etc. And I want to somehow be able to do/be/have ALL of it.

*want*want*want*want*want*want*want*want*want*want*want*want*want*want*want*want*want*want*want*want*want*want*want*want*want*want*want*want*want*want*want*want*want*want*want*want*want*want*want*want*want*want*want*want*

I'm feeling very wanty today. Sigh. More to say on the subject but -- shockingly!! -- no time just now to say it. Cheers. Happy Sunday :-)

23 comments:

Jennifer D said...

Sounds like such a wonderful day!
Clementine looks so happy.

Tinker said...

he he - oh how I relate - to the wanting to do it all. Even in middle age - maybe especially at this time of life...But I'm trying to not let time discourage me - still trying to fit as much of everything in as I can, anyway. A little of this, a little of that, a little bit of something everyday...
As for toys - when little, my girls (and grandgirls too, for that matter), almost always seemed more fascinated with the boxes toys came in, than what was inside.
Probably a lesson in there somewhere, but still I couldn't resist putting cute things in the boxes...
Speaking of cute - that Clementine - what a cutie!

storyqueen said...

I hear you.

Sometimes I sit and wallow in want for the life I'm not currently leading.

I suppose that "to everything there is a season" would apply....and most days that is enough.

But today, I long for a traveling life, seeing exotic places, having expertise in areas in which I really have no clue....(and having a butler.)

Sigh.

But the call of the siren keyboard is strong...and if I don't revise, then I have to clean the lasagna pan from last night instead....so I'll revise.

Always love to visit your blog. (It's a bit like exotic travel, you know...)

Shelley

Melissa said...

You reminded me of this quote from Twain that I'd put up on Facebook in honor of the first day of Spring:

"It's spring fever. That is what the name of it is. And when you've got it, you want - oh, you don't quite know what it is you *do* want, but it just fairly makes your heart ache, you want it so!"

wantwantwantwantwant :)

Charlotte said...

gee, yours is one of the blogs that makes me feel most wanty of all! Although I had a lovely day outside playing my garden and playing with my boys and reading good books and getting the barn a bit cleaned out and going to the local dairy farm (for cow manure and hermits) and petting calves ... I wish I had writing and painting and crafting in my day too!

ann foxlee said...

Happy Sunday indeed! Wasn't yesterday sooo glorious!

And as far as Clementine's love for clips and tags and crinkly bibs... it must be universal! Even our dogs prefer an empty plastic bottle over their real toys any day, lol!

Susan Gallacher-Turner and Michael Turner said...

Wanting to do it all, I do so understand. Time, time, time is always the problem, isn't it?

I have masks to sculpt, paint, finish and writing to do...blogs and that story that beckons me back even though I try to ignore it, saying I'm too busy.

Your little Clementine is so adorable and I remember when my sweeties were so little. It's such a precious time, and so wonderful that you're right there enjoying it all. I know I'm glad I enjoyed it all then.
Susan

Anonymous said...

I am in Portland too and can totally relate to your thoughts on the lovely perfect day yesterday! (Definitely a "moodier" day today in contrast). It was like getting a whole new take on life to soak up that beautiful spring sun. Maybe we all think somehow others are doing more, from where I sit, you are already SO "doing it all"! Wonderfully and successfully too I might add!
-Bridget

Granny Smith said...

And aren't you lucky to have so many things to choose among even if you can't have them all! At 88 years old with various disabilities, my choices have been rather severely restricted. Just this week, though, I have learned to load my new electric wheelchair on our local bus. This means that I can go from the too-steep slopes of my house in the hills down to the flat downtown where I can shop or window shop or go to a movie. So my choices aren't as limited as some my think!

Enjoying Clementine sounds to me as though it is lovely first choice for you. And I think it is absolutely remarkable the amount you accomplish in all your other fields. I, personally, am grateful for your long detailed blog.

Jessica Day George said...

You need some Taggies products for Clementine Pie! They make soft books, with tags all around the edge, small "cuddle" blankies, and even soft toys that have tags of different textures all over them! My little girl LOVES her Taggie Elephant!

Faith Pray said...

I know the "want factor" and have it too, especially in creative areas. So much to learn, so few snippets of time!
The thing I love is that you are cherishing that one thing that is so fleeting - your sweet babe in her constantly changing baby-ness.
My son, who turned one on Groundhog Day, loves most to chew on his sister's crayons, beads, anything small or dangerous.
His worst ingesting moment so far? Discovering him in the kitchen having knocked over the garbage and delightedly eating my husband's leftover pie crust. So much for my standards of sugarless, sprouted whole-grain, organic, unrefined foods.
It is so fun to hear about little C and your process as a writer, artist and mother. Thanks for sharing with us!

SarahWT said...

Little Clementine simply redefines the word "cute"! :) I'm glad the two of you had such a wonderful day together.

And I know so well the wanty-ness you described from the day after - oh, the ache of it! Such a lucky emotion to have, though, really - it speaks to how good life has been, and it keeps us motivated. Though there are some days that I wish my head out of the clouds, in truth, I don't want ever to be entirely convinced that I can't do it all! :)

Jenn said...

I so identify with this post and wanting to be able to learn and do way more things than there is time in the day for. I've been that way since I was a child and sometimes think that wantiness for a variety of skills is why I'm pretty good at several things but not truly excellent at any one. (Except maybe daydreaming.) And I also feel wanty to live in multiple places all at once. Just in reading your post, it made me want to live in a big city where I could wander around a shop-lined street or sit in a cafe on a sunny day, and then I read Charlotte's comment which made me want to live on a farm with chickens and llamas and goats.

So I completely understand the glum realization that we can't ever have it all. Which isn't to say that I'm not appreciative or happy with where I'm currently at in life. I actually have a fortune cookie slip on my fridge about this very thing which says, "The pleasure of what we enjoy is lost by wanting more." I feel like your post kind of embodied that sentiment in a positive way, because in the midst of an attack of the wanties, you were treasuring the shining sun, your surroundings, and the time spent with your daughter. And that, I think, is a wonderful thing--to have the curiosity and aspirations to learn and see and experience more but to not let that detract from the gifts of the present moment.

Amber said...

The Baby Blissing is the beeeest. That made me smile to think of you two like that. :)

I also want! I want!!! I want that whole life you just said.

And sewing!! I even got a sewing machine fifteen years ago-- that I have NEVER used. But I won't let Kory sell it in any yard sale! No way. Because I am going to learn. Duh. lol! But I bet G learns to use it before me. She could probably use it by next year. haha!

:) ox

Elena said...

Wow! Sounds like you had a good time. I know how you feel - I need to do homework, chess, softball, art, writing, gardening, crafts, astronomy... The list goes on. :)

Emma said...

Never worry about other people's lives you're not living. It's their love, and I'm sure they'd love to try others, but look at YOU! You do so much already! And with a baby! So, be happy with what you're doing, and if you want to try something new, just DO it and see what you think. Who knows? You might end up loving it or strongly disliking it. ;D

Katie Johnston said...

Hi Laini,

I've been following your blog for a while but haven't commented before. I prefer to lurk and slink around the sidelines like a creep, but I have to break my silence to say that I just read Lips Touch and OH MY LORD, HOW I LOVED IT! I want to pull pages out and frame them, and write sentences on my hands so I can sneak looks at them all day. Just GORGEOUS!

Also I totally understand the WANT WANT WANT -- I feel like that's a big chunk of why I write, this endless itchy desire to explore and understand all these crazy lives, to visit all these possible worlds... YES. GIMME GIMME GIMME. And then in real life I should be writing, and I'm thinking 'I wonder how hard it is to grow fruit trees?' or 'maybe I could take up horse-riding'.

- Katie.

jckandy said...

I WANTWANTWANTWANTWANTWANT so many things! I look around and there's people who consume their lives with one thing, it seems: schoolwork, drawing, painting, writing, photography, sports, sewing, music, etc. Sometimes I wish I could have ONE deep passion and stick with that, instead of dabbling in piano-guitar-photography-painting etc etc etc.

However, who's to say you can't do all that? Wow, that sounds cheesy. But it might be true. That is a great attitude though! At least you're not sitting back on your heels and scowling, "why can't I learn to play the harmonica/weave a basket?"

That's awesome you're in Alberta! Ha! I'm right next door in SK!

Cheers to living life!

Heather said...

Sweets, I'll come down and teach you how to sew!

Bets said...

My son loves paper. Anything papery he must eat. He just met nori... finally a love he can bring home to meet the family!

He also has that same teether, the one that gives the great teeth impression. :) Couldn't resist it!

tone almhjell said...

I think your wantiness is healthy and good. It's nice to have a few 'I could always take up...' for (possible moments in your far future, by the sound of it) when your everyday things seem stale. Some day you might become a sewist yourself. But for now, you have excellent focus, writing (okay, so sliding slightly into painting, but I suspect twin creative outlets work to help each other in the end) and blissing out with your wonderful family. Does life get much better?

(Oh, and I'm totally envious of the sun drenched nursing and hugging. Magnus is still on strike and very wriggly in my lap, and it's really pouring out there. Ah well. Easter vacation is coming up.)

Kim G. said...

It was a great day, wasn't it! I can just picture Clementine's sweet smile as she watched the people go by!:)

I understand the whole not jumping into another hobby, but sewing seems like such a practical skill to have. Like Amber, I bought a machine years ago with the best of intentions but it does take time and discipline. Life is an overflowing buffet table of great experiences and things to see and do - we do have to make choices, but it's fun to sample lots of dishes along the way!

Anonymous said...

yes! want! to learn! everything! i struggle with the exact same thing...a friend of mine was raffling off a handmade kayak (he makes them with his students, then raffles it off every spring to raise money for the program...such a good cause!) and i couldn't even buy a ticket, b/c what if i won?? i've been dying to learn to kayak, and one of my dream vacations is to kayak with the beluga whales in the fjords of british columbia, but if i won, i'd have to buy gear, take lessons, and make time in which to use said gear, lessons, and kayak. and i would love it! but i have to limit my hobbies somewhere, sometime, in order to enjoy the richness of my current hobbies (reading, writing, gardening, house-remodeling, dancing, piano, sewing, quilting, knitting, miscellaneous crafting, hiking, yoga, friends, etc!).

and i know he'll raffle off another kayak next year.... ;)

liz

p.s. i love bolt too! and pedx! and close knit!