Confession

So, I have a confession to make. I've been working on a secret project for about four months and it's really been tiring me out! Well, weirdly, it's the kind of project you can *work on* while you're doing other things, like writing, walking, etc, because it doesn't require that you really think too much about it, though it's kind of hard not to. Well, kind of. Sometimes I'll forget about it for hours at a time and then suddenly remember:

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"Oh yeah, I'm pregnant."

"Oh. I'm growing a tiny human. Neat."

It's so cool.

Really, as projects go, this one has been pretty easy. (I hear tell the hard parts come later.) I don't really have to do anything but take care of myself -- my body's got it covered. Somehow the tiny fingers and toes and eyelashes just happen, right when they're supposed to. And that little hummingbird heartbeat is its own metronome. Yes, I get tired a lot, and I may think about cheese more than usual . . . but otherwise, the past four months have been like any normal four months. With more excitement and more anxiety, as you might imagine.

At first, there was quite a lot of anxiety, because of last year, and Jim and I were very subdued and tried to hold off on getting attached to anything. But, you know. Good luck with that!

So, if this announcement sounds kind of subdued, let me interrupt myself to say:

I'M PREGNANT!

WOO HOOOO!

We are very excited, though there's this strangely superstitious part of me I didn't know existed that feels anxiety about announcing it, like I'm tempting fate. Of course, I don't BELIEVE in fate. I don't even believe in LUCK, not really, not beyond mere chance. I don't believe in things; you may know that about me. But to quote myself, which I hope is not obnoxious:

"...strange twinges of belief had a way of intruding into one’s cultured disbelief, like trick cards in a deck to be drawn at random..." -- Lips Touch

So. I'm at 16 weeks now, with a beginner's bump; I hear tell I'll start to feel *fluttering* in the coming weeks and I CANNOT WAIT for that. I can't even tell you. And in a month we'll find out if it's a boy or a girl. Funny about that, forever I thought I really wanted a girl, but when I was pregnant last year I found, to my surprise, I more and more hoped it was a boy. Now, I 100% don't care. I just want a baby, and that part is closer to being a reality every day! Our midwife did say the heartbeat was "girly" but there isn't exactly scientific foundation for that! She has been delivering babies for over 30 years though, and says that she has seen a pattern . . . So maybe!

Do you want to see something incredibly adorable? Lovely blogger Brittsoucy had twin girls just a few weeks ago. They're so lovely! They're even cuter than this:
And, holy cow, check out this; I'm almost sure this a real koala and not a toy:
Almost sure. It doesn't seem possible, really.

So. THAT is my secret project!! If you're just skimming this post and not reading it you may think from the images that I am building a marsupial, but all signs indicate it is in fact a human baby.

Marsupials are just for decor :-)