Friday, May 26, 2006

Notebook, 1993


I've just been riffling through my old college writing notebooks again. Circa 1993. Full of funny, silly, pretentious writing:

"Why am I so plagued by this fear that I am becoming every moment less brilliant?"

I LOVE that my twenty-year-old self wrote that! I've GOT to start keeping this kind of aimless writing notebook again, so that in 14 more years I can laugh at the thoughts of my 34-year-old self, and on and on all my life. One thing the notebooks are full of is wishes. I opened right up to this and it could have been an answer to last week's Sunday Scribbling. In 1993 my wishes were:

- To be a writer of great genius.

- To be beautiful and wicked, with flashing teeth and wild hair.

- To set the genie free. Of course.

Ha ha ha! But then later in the same notebook I also wished I was a mermaid and a genius, that I owned a boat and owned an island: a mermaid-genius with a boat and an island. What does a mermaid need with a boat?

Okay, I'll stop. Oh wait, there's this: "Inside me everything is just how you left it, raw as a skinned knee and dark, dark as the meat of ripe cherries." Hm. Don't remember what that was about. Okay, now I'll really stop. And by the way, the Sunday Scribblings topic this week is "First Love" and anyone can participate -- just write a post on the theme of "first love" and leave a comment at the Sunday Scribblings site with your permalink.

8 comments:

liz elayne said...

Laini, i just love this glimpse into your 20-year-old self and into your imagination. beautiful. funny. honest. just love it.
hope you are well my dear...and glad i know the sunday scribblings topic so i can think about it for a little while.
happy friday to you beautiful girl.

Angela Rockett said...

I love the way your brain works! It's so fun and inspiring!

I saw some your Ladies at a local bookstore the other day and felt a rush of pride that I know (even if just online) their creator.

la vie en rose said...

i don't go back and read my old journals and i'm sure if i did i would be horrified...

melba said...

I do go back and read my old journals.
I was so dramatic.
whinewhine whine.
Everything was a tragedy.
Mostly I wrote about my fisrt love (or what I thought was love) we will see if he makes my way into this week's Sunday Scribblings.

Amber said...

Oh my gosh. I can't stand to read my old notebooks. I just want to smack myself upside the head. LOL!
I am so happy I'm not that young and stupid anymore...

:)

deirdre said...

I've burned all my old journals. I'm not a regular journaler, and when I re-read I know why. They're horrifying! I'm glad yours are not and that you've shared a little with us.

Laini Taylor said...

I should clarify here -- these aren't "journals" -- they're writing notebooks, full of free-writing exercises and poetry and such, not personal stuff. I have those, too, but I don't read them. Shudder.

Mardougrrl said...

Dude, you wound me...I STILL write (and think) stuff like that!

I've actually decided to start going through my old journals and morning pages books--I have these "big epiphanies!" all the time and then I write them down and *poof* into the ether they go! I want to collect all of them in a "remember THIS when you get all mopey" uber-notebook.

And by the way? Your brilliance? Still there.