Monday, November 02, 2009

Alt Laini's Ladies

So, how I said there are a lot of great quotes that are unsuitable for Laini's Ladies? Here are a few. Enjoy!

"Is that a bullet-proof vest? See, now, that's so insulting. That's like saying I'm not smart enough to shoot you in the head."
- Janet Evanovich

"God created war so that Americans would learn geography."
- Mark Twain

"Remember to always be yourself. Unless you suck."
- Joss Whedon

"Poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese."
- G.K. Chesterton

"All God does is watch us and kill us when we get boring. We must never, ever be boring."
- Chuck Palahniuk

"Give a man fire, and he's warm for the day. Set a man on fire, and he's warm for the rest of his life."
- Terry Pratchett

"Anyone who thinks sitting in church makes you a Christian must also think sitting in a garage can make you a car."
- either Garrison Keillor or G.K. Chesterton

"I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him."
- Mark Twain

"Millions long for immortality who don't know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon."
- Susan Ertz

"I do not want people to be agreeable. It saves me the trouble of liking them."
- Jane Austen

"You can safely assume you've created God in your own image when he hates all the same people you do."
- (I'm paraphrasing from an Anne Lamott book; was this from Bird by Bird? I just remember her priest said it :-)

"Cats aren't clean. They're just covered in cat spit."
- unknown

"Sometimes you kill just one person, and it takes care of everything."
- Joann Sfar (from The Rabbi's Cat)

"When we lose 20 pounds, we may be losing the best 20 pounds we have! We may be losing the pounds that contain our genius, our humanity, our love, and honesty!"
- Woody Allen

"We either make ourselves happy or miserable. The amount of work is the same."
- Carlos Castaneda

Okay, that's all for now. Some of these were gleaned from GoodReads -- thank you to Persnickety Jen for mentioning that. It hadn't occurred to me to look there! However, I have to say that in the GoodReads quote bank, Stephenie Meyer is way over-represented. And I mean nothing against Stephenie Meyer, it's just that it seems like every other quote is her, and some of them -- no doubt inserted by die-hard fans -- are not really the most breathtaking quotes ever. For example:

"You. Got. Food. In. My. Hair."

You're all scribbling that down in your favorite quotes journals, right? Maybe you aren't, but somewhere out there are 288 people who *liked* this quote enough to get it ranking in the top 20 pages of GoodReads quotes. So, okay.

And I'll leave you with one that I love but that is a little too long for a Laini's Lady:

"The very least you can do with your life is figure out what you hope for. And the most you can do is live inside that hope. Not admire it from a distance, but live right in it, under its roof."
- Barbara Kingsolver



tanita✿davis said...

I fully stole the Kingsolver quote from you. In return, I offer you these:

Those who will not reason
Perish in the act:
Those who will not act
Perish for that reason.
- W.H. Auden

"...we are here to learn to endure the beams of love..."- William Blake

"You must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you." ~ Ray Bradbury

“In the midst of winter, I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer.” - Albert Camus

“If I find in myself desires which nothing in this world can satisfy, the only logical explanation is that I was made for another world.” C.S. Lewis

Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world.
-- Albert Einstein

"Life itself is the proper binge." Saint Julia Child

You may have had some of those, but I had to at least try and pay you back.

Riley Roam said...

Thanks for the morning laugh. Those quotes were hilarious!

Here are two of my favorites.They're a little long, but they sure beat You.Got.Food.In.My.Hair. (and I think they can be shortened nicely)

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the
things you didn't do than by the ones you did. So throw off the
bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade-winds
in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."

- Mark Twain

I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, And that enables you to laugh at life's realities.

-Dr. Seuss

Jennifer D said...

Oh I don't know... I think maybe a new line of Laini's Ladies is in order. Grumpy ones!! Beautiful ladies with pinched faces, with quotes like "Cats aren't clean, they're just covered in cat spit".
I'd buy.

Great post.

persnickety_jen said...

Woohoo! Glad to help! Although I agree with you - any series that's extremely popular tends to edge out other, better quotes by virtue of being popular. But I like to look up quotes by author, so that usually leads me away from that nonsense.

I'll leave you with two more of my favorites:
"Fairy tales, are more than true. Not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be defeated."
— G.K. Chesterton

"A room without books is like a body without a soul."
— Marcus Tullius Cicero

storyqueen said...

Laughing so hard this morning! A great way to start a Tuesday, since it is my worst day.

I can't even pick a favorite, but dang, that Mark Twain was a witty dude.....wait! There's my Laini's Lady quote: Dang! That Mark Twain was a witty dude.

See? Ask and ye shall receive.


Emily said...

Here's a few I like:

"Love isn't how you feel. It's what you do." -Madeleine L'engle

"It's supposed to be hard. If it wasn't hard, everyone would do it. The hard is what makes it great." -Tom Hanks in 'A League of Their Own'

"Life begets life. Energy creates energy. It is by spending oneself that one becomes rich." -Sarah Bernhardt

"I am here to live out loud." -Emile Zola

Unknown said...

Oh, thanks for the morning Tuesday pick-me-up. :-) I wish I had some fun ones to give back, but I don't (not really). Perhaps I should start keeping a quote journal...

Heather said...

Those are all so awesome!

andalucy said...

Thanks for posting these! I needed that laugh. And I totally see some of these as Laini's Ladies. Why not?

I didn't know about finding quotes on Goodreads. But how strange about the Stephenie Meyer predominance there. Why, oh why?

Here is one of my favorites by EB White: I get up every morning to both change the world and have one hell of a good time. Sometimes this makes planning my day difficult.

Catherine Denton said...

Thank you for sharing these. And I agree with Jennifer on the grumpy Laini's Ladies. I'd buy them!

Here are few writer's quotes:

"Fill your paper with the breathings of your heart." William Wadsworth

"Get black on white." Guy de Maupassant

"A human being is nothing but a story with skin around it." Fred Allen

"You can never get a cup of tea large enough, or a book long enough, to suit me." C.S. Lewis

lizardek said...

HAHAHAHA! THose were so hilarious! I think you should do a line of parody Laini's Ladies! :D

Jen Robinson said...

Thanks for these. I LOVE the Terry Pratchett quote. Not sure what that says about my sense of humor, but anyway... Thanks.

Myrna Foster said...

"Now and then we had a hope that if we lived and were good, God would permit us to be pirates." Mark Twain

I loved the Terry Pratchett quote too.

Anonymous said...

I am immensely inspired thanks to this post, and the ensuing comments! Thanks, I needed that!

Kim Baker said...

These are fantastic!

The Terry Pratchett and Barbara Kingsolver quotes are my favorite.

I like the parody line idea, too. :)

Chelsea said...

Love the quotes! Here's some of my favorites:

"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read." -Groucho Marx

"When you sell a man a book you don't sell just twelve ounces of paper and ink and glue-you sell him a whole new life. Love and friendship and humour and ships at sea by night-there's all heaven and earth in a book, a real book." -Christopher Morley

"Books let us into their souls and lay open to us the secrets of our own." -William Hazlitt

"Always speak the truth, think before you speak, and write it down afterwards." -Lewis Carroll

Heather Zundel said...

I was laughing more times than I thought possible in a single post. Fantastic post, I love it.

tanita✿davis said...

One last find:
"There is not a truth existing which I fear or would wish unknown to the whole world." Thomas Jefferson.

Take THAT, book censors, challengers, and burners. said...

Laini, I'll give you one of my own in honor of you now being a mom
"kids are natures way of dishing out karma." Luckily I've earned more good than bad but the experience does give MY parents the opportunity to smile and finally feel better understood.
Cheers. My mom reads regularly to Eli - I will have to set her on to your books.

Andrea Eames said...

"A true friend stabs you in the front." - Oscar Wilde

"For animals, the entire universe has been neatly divided into things to (a) mate with, (b) eat, (c) run away from, and (d) rocks." - Terry Pratchett

'"I meant," said Ipslore bitterly, "what is there in this world that truly makes living worthwhile?"
Death thought about it.
"CATS," he said eventually. "CATS ARE NICE."'

- Terry Pratchett

Anonymous said...

"I ain't got time to bleed."
Jesse Venture from the movie Predator.

- Brent A. (Hi Lani!)

Esme Raji Codell said...

So wonderful, Laini, thank you. here are a few of my faves:

“Those who don’t believe in magic will never find it.”
Roald Dahl

"Why not go out on a limb? That's where the fruit is."
Mark Twain

“People can like you just the way you are.”
- Fred Rogers

"A house without books is like a room without windows. No man has a right to bring up children without surrounding them with books.... Children learn to read being in the presence of books."
- Heinrich Mann

Amber said...

These are all so good! I am thanking you now, as I am using one on fb. lol


Elena said...

Thanks for the quotes, Laini! Here is a couple of my favorites:

"Keep yourself clean and bright, for you are the window through which you see the world."
-George Bernard Shaw

"When you get to the end of your rope, tie a not and hold on."

Elena said...

Sorry about the typo! I meant to say, here /are/ some of my favorites :)

Kim Baise said...

My head is spinning from all the wonderful quotes! I am trying to memorize a few that I just absorbed!